Review: Flirting in Cars

I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover, right? But when you see a headless women wearing pedal pushers and high-heeled shoes on the cover of a novel, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be like inside. This was the case with the latest MotherTalk book tour selection, Flirting in Cars, by Alisa Kwitney.

First, I must come clean and admit that I don't read chick lit or mommy lit. I totally understand escapism, but mine usually takes the form of Gilmore Girls re-runs or mommy blogs. But, when the latest list of MotherTalk books came up for review, I decided to expand my horizons. Most of the books I've read lately have been chosen by my book club. We have a strange way of voting on books and for some reason our selections have been pretty depressing. We've read novels about prisoners of war, leprosy, down syndrome, the apocalypse, and female circumcision. Sometimes it's not so much that we're a book club, but a self-flagellation circle, with wine.

To take a break from such dark and serious fare I chose to read Flirting in Cars. It's the story of a Zoe, a forty-one year old journalist and mother who moves from Manhattan to the country so her daughter can go to a school that will do a better job of catering to her learning disability. The book is told in the alternating points of view of Zoe and Mack, a thirty-something army vet who was born and raised in the small town where Zoe moves. Zoe can't drive. Mack is a driving instructor. You get the picture.

There are lots of obstacles in their relationship -- Zoe's love of organic goat cheese versus Mack's love of pepperoni pizza, the fact that Zoe's daughter Maya still sleeps in her bed, their different religions, and a ten year age difference. What makes this more than just a simple "opposites attract" story is the way Kwitney writes about the interesting conflict that comes from the fact that Mack works for Zoe and when they start a relationship he starts to feel like a kept man.

The characters and scenery of the town where Zoe moves are colorful and quirky and in their best moments they remind me of one of my favorite novels, Empire Falls by Richard Russo. Throughout the book, Kwitney also creates some really interesting scenes with funny dialog. The story gets going right away with a pretty hilarious interaction between Zoe and a pushy, young Manhattan mom who's interested in buying Zoe's apartment. However, despite the author's attempt at endearing Zoe to readers by comparing her to a far worse version of the self-absorbed metropolitan mommy, I still found Zoe sort of elitist and annoying. I appreciate that she's independent and that living in a small town makes her change, but I never connected to her in a way that I think I need to to enjoy the novel, escapist or not. I found Mack slightly more interesting, but I really never connected to him either and often wondered why he put up with Zoe.

I'd like to say that Flirting in Cars made me appreciate chick lit and want to read more, but it didn't. Right now my book club is reading Kafka on the Shore, by Haruki Murakami. And despite the fact that I've read and re-read the first three chapters and still have very little idea of what's going on, I feel like I'm getting something more out of it than I would from lighter lit.

Review: The Other Mother

I've been thinking about the so-called mommy wars (the rift between stay-at-home moms and working moms) since as far back as this post in 2004. The biggest change I've seen since then is how many other people are thinking about it.

There's no shortage of non-fiction books that feed the fires of the mommy wars, namely Caitlin Flanagan's To Hell With All That, Linda Hirschman's Get to Work, and Leslie Bennetts' The Feminine Mistake. And although I haven't read any of these books, I'm glad they exist, because I appreciate the dialogue that they've encouraged.

I also disagree with writers who argue that there are no mommy wars. As someone who works from home, I don't feel like I'm in a battle against mothers who take care of their children full time or mothers who work outside of the home full time. Instead, I experience a constant battle within myself about whether I've made the right choice. Ultimately, I feel like I've struck the best balance I can, but I imagine that I'm not the only person whose tumultuous feelings result in criticizing other people who've made other choices.

As I mentioned, I've read a lot about books about the mommy wars, but I've never actually read any of the books. The topic interests me, but I just don't read that much non-fiction. That's why I agreed to take part in MotherTalk's virtual book tour for Gwendolyn Gross', The Other Mother, a literary novel about the mommy wars.

The Other Mother is the fictionalized story of two neighbors: Thea, a stay-at-home mom, and Amanda, a full-time working mom. The narrative shifts back and forth between Thea and Amanda's points of view and Gross captures the emotions of these two women beautifully, especially the drastic differences in how they perceive the same encounters. Mothering exhausts Thea, but to Amanda she appears unflappable.

Thea and Amanda justify their own choices based on the choices that the other has made. "I never imagined working when they were so young," Thea says to Amanda. To which Amanda retorts,"I never imagined not working."

The characters in The Other Mother are much more developed and feel much more real to me than the working mother or stay-at-home mother stereotypes I often see in novels and films. I found it interesting that Gross chose to portray the the stay-at-home mom at her most vulnerable point (when all of her kids are almost in school) and the working mom at hers (when she has a newborn at home).

My only complaint about the book is that I wish the plot could have been a little more compelling, especially toward the end.

If you want to read more about the mommy wars, but you're not interested in spending your precious free time reading non-fiction, pick up a copy of The Other Mother, by Gwendolyn Gross.

The publisher of The Other Mother sent me two extra uncorrected proofs of the book to give away here. If you're interested in reading the book for yourself, post a comment below about your own experience with the mommy wars and I will choose two commenters at random tomorrow and contact you so I can send each of you a copy of the book.

UPDATE: I randomly picked Amy and ComputerGuyinGrandBlanc to receive the extra copies of the book. Thanks to everyone who left comments.

Review: Body, Soul, and Baby

I am not a fan of pregnancy and parenting books. You might think that means I have no business reviewing one. However, the sheer number of parenting books I've read in my life and the fact that I am not pregnant and not planning on ever being pregnant again makes me uniquely qualified. At least according to, well, me.

Body, Soul, and Baby is a new book by Dr. Tracy W. Gaudet, Director of the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine and founding executive director of Dr. Andrew Weil's Program in Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona. As the book's title and author's credentials suggest, Body, Soul, and Baby combines mainstream and alternative medicine to help new mothers througout their pregnancy and the birth of their baby. When the Parent Bloggers Network asked me to review this book, I was fascinated since all of the pregnancy books I've read we're strictly of one camp or the other.

It's been five years since I found out I was pregnant the first time. Sure, I remember the bad parts, like that time I puked into my lunch bag as I commuted over the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco. But I also remember the ethereal feeling of having a new person growing inside me. My body was changing, but that was only the least of it. A new life! Inside of me! I really wanted my OB to talk about this aspect of my pregnancy, but she was all business. Most of the time she couldn't even be bothered to look up from her clipboard when she asked me if I had any questions.

According to Gaudet, I had a pretty typical experience. She writes that modern pregnancy feels a little like a conveyer belt. "A time of internal wonder has been reframed almost entirely as a time for external worry." Gaudet doesn't claim that you won't have some fears throughout your pregnancy, but she aims to guide you through these fears, by addressing the real changes that are taking place within.

During my second pregnancy I made more of an effort to find an OB who was more open to answering questions. And for many of my appointments I saw a midwife who hugged me after each visit. Still, there aren't many doctors working today who are going to be able to help you with the process of self-discovery as well as Gaudet does in Body, Soul, and Baby.

Like the standard pregnancy books, Body, Soul, and Baby is organized by the stages of pregnancy. Unlike the standard books it focuses on meditation, reflection, observation, and other non-traditional ways of handling the changes that pregnancy brings. Gaudet also covers all the basics that you'll read in conventional pregnancy books.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Annabella a friend who'd recently had a baby made me promise that I wouldn't read What to Expect When You're Expecting. She said that the fear the book instilled in her, with all it's worst-case scenarios, far outweighed the usefullness of it. I made the promise to her and then promptly broke it. I'd ask you to make the same promise, but you'll probably break it and read What to Expect too and that's OK. Still, if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant and you're at all interested in intergrative medicine, I encourage you to pick up a copy of Body, Soul, and Baby too.

The Milk Memos

I just finished listening to a Manic Mommies episode where Erin and Kristin interview one of the authors of The Milk Memos: How Real Moms Learned to Mix Business with Babies. The book (written by Cate Coburn-Smith and Andrea Serrette) grew from Smith's own experience going back to work at IBM after maternity leave. The first day back as she pumped milk for her baby in the converted janitorial closet they'd given her, she wrote this note on a paper towel:

"I'm a new mom and today is my first day back at work. Is anyone else using this room?"

After someone responded on the paper towel, Cate brought in a spiral notebook and the women who used the room began a daily correspondece that eventually became The Milk Memos.

Just listening to these women talk brought back so many memories (good and bad) about what it was like to breastfeed while working full-time. It was a huge challenge when I went back to TechTV after having Annabella and I wasn't even in the office full time.

Here are just a few of my own memories:

1. I once got up from my desk armed with my Pump in Style (cleverly disguised in a faux leather briefcase that anyone who knew me knew I would never carry) and said jokingly to the person one cube over, "I'm going to feed the baby." To which, he (who'd been sitting next to me all day) asked, "Your baby is here today?"

2. I once had to pump on the dirty floor of the bathroom.

3. The first room I was given to pump in had large windows with no blinds.

I think the pumping memories are the ones that come back to me because they're easier to remember and laugh at then the memories of what it was like to leave my 4 month old daughter at 6am and not see her again until 12 hours later. A search through my archives came up with this post I wrote the day before I went back to work. At first, it broke my heart and then I read the 61 comments attached and remembered what kind of support I had from people who knew me from TechTV. For those of you who have been following me since then, you know that I left TechTV three months later and I've been working from home since then.

Moms and dads, got any back-to-work memories you'd like to share? Maybe someone will come upon this and see that they're not the only parent who thinks that transitioning back to work feels a little bit like botched heart surgery.

MotherTalk and Parent Bloggers Network

I've recently been invited to join MotherTalk and The Parent Bloggers Network. I'll be reviewing books and other products for them and I'm pretty excited about it because sometimes I get tired of talking about myself and my kids. Sometimes.

I'm only going to review things that are interesting to me and hopefully to you. In the interest of full disclosure, these things are being sent to me for free. Both MotherTalk and Parent Bloggers have encouraged me to give my honest opinions, which I will always do.

Getting free stuff in exchange for a review is a hot topic on the Web these days, but it's not new to me. When I worked at TechTV we had an room full of products that we were given to review. Then, as now, we chose what we wanted to review. And we still gave lots of stuff bad reviews.

I will always mention if I've received a product for free to review and I will always tell you who I'm writing the review for. I haven't been asked to review these products on the podcast and I probably won't, unless I fall deeply in love with said products.

If I'm talking about something you can buy and you don't see a disclosure on the blog, that means I bought the product myself and am telling you about it just because I felt like it. For examples, see here, here, here, and here.

If you have a book or another product that you want me to review, please send me an e-mail at megan.morrone at earthlink.net.

Great books for brothers

When I found out I was having twin boys, I expected rivalry to be a part of our daily life. I just didn't expect it to happen so early. But, it's here and I can show you the bite marks to prove it. (Yes, the biting that had waned has somehow returned and is worse than it used to be.)

One way we deal with the rivalry is by reading an excellent little book that my sister (also the mother of two boys) gave us. It's called I Love You the Purplest and I recommend it for anyone with twin boys, or two boys close in age.

I Love You the Purplest is written by Barbara Joosse, who has written several great children's books, including the popular, Mama, Do You Love Me?

I love hearing about new books, so if you have recommendations, post it in the comments.

Dangerous Boys Friday*

You know those children's stories that explain some natural phenomenon, like "This is how the turtle got its shell?" Well, this is a story I like to call, "This is how Milo got his claustrophobia."

It's Friday night and my four year old daughter Annabella and I are snuggled on the living room couch reading The Story of Holly and Ivy, which is this sweet little book about a sweet little orphan girl in search of a family and a sweet little doll in search of a sweet little girl. We are enjoying this precious little mother-daughter moment that's so absurdly darling that it could sell a million greeting cards for any holiday.

Upstairs my two year old twin boys, Milo and Huck, are torturing each other. I can tell this by the screaming and the door slamming. After a while Milo's screaming is no longer the happy-to-be-tortured kind. It's muffled, so I assume that Huck has shut him in one of the bedrooms and he can't get out. They're at this interesting stage where they're very good at closing doors, but not so good at opening them.

I get up slowly from the couch and casually head upstairs. These boys are always biting, pinching, scratching, head-butting, and otherwise attacking one another. I do not want to be a mom who fights her children's battles, even if they're with each other. Plus, if I stepped in every time they weren't getting along I would literally not be able to do anything else. And besides, they share the same DNA, so it's a fair fight.

Huck meets me halfway up the stairs.

"I put," he says.

"You put what?" I ask.

"I put Milo."

"You put Milo?"

"I put Milo in the laundry."

Even then I'm not alarmed, since I think he means the laundry room. It's not like that hasn't happened before. But as I reach the top of the stairs I realize that Milo's screams are really muffled, so I run to the laundry room, open the door and although I don't see Milo, I still hear his muffled screams.

They are coming from inside the closed dryer.

I open the door, grab him out of there and hold him.

He's fine, really. He says, "Hold me like a baby," which I do and he snuggles into me and pretends to whimper. Both of my boys love this crying baby routine. But right now it's me who is really hyperventilating, thinking about what might have happened if I'd decided to ignore the screaming and let them work this one out on their own.

I still plan on letting all my kids fight their own battles, play on the playground without spotters, and say hi to strangers when they play in the front yard. But from now on I will probably keep the door to the laundry room closed and never, ever teach them how to turn the dryer on.

*I wrote this post by request from Miriam over at MotherTalk. She didn't pay me, but she did invite me to take part in their Blog Bonanza where hundreds of bloggers are asked to write on the same day about the same topic. This particular topic is kids, play, and danger. The Bonanza is designed to help promote The Dangerous Book for Boys and by writing the post I was entered to win a copy of the book.

Like I needed a reason to write about dangerous boys.

Best Father's Day Present Ever

Looking for a gift that will both totally depress and hopefully inspire that special father in your life? Try The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Home for the summer after my freshman year of college, I paid a visit to my beloved high school creative writing teacher, Mrs. Wiley. She gave me a copy of All the Pretty Horses and said, "This is a writer to watch." Maybe it was my newfound college feminism, but it was the first book I ever read that I liked, but also found to be too masculine.

I steered clear of McCarthy until this past summer when Marco practically forced me to read No Country for Old Men. It was a tough read (McCarthy doesn't offer too much in the way of, well, explanation), but I loved it. Even though it's dark and ultra-violent, it still didn't prepare me for The Road, McCarthy's newest novel that just won the Pulitzer Prize. I finished The Road last week and I can't stop thinking about it. And isn't that a sure sign of any great piece of art?

Don't like reading about books before you read them? Stop here.

The Road is the story of a father and son who've survived an apocolypse. The earth is scorched, nothing grows anywhere, the few people who are left have begun to resort to unmentionable acts of deseperation. And yet, the love of this father and son remains intact. They are, as McCarthy writes in the beginning of the book, "each other's world entire."

A few weeks ago I was reading The Road at the bar of a restaurant while I waited for friends. The bartender asked me about it and I explained the premise of the book. "You know," he said, "The Mayan calendar says the world will end on December 21, 2012." Is it so hard to believe, at the rate we're going, that this could be true? You can either let this send you into a spiral of depression or let it encourage you to kiss your babies, love your partner, and thank your mother and father.

"Come now, let's not make a scene"

We finally finished reading Charlotte's Web last night.

Me: (reading) "You have been my friend," replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heavens knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."

Annabella: "Excuse me, Mommy. There is some water coming out of your eyes."

What We're Reading Right Now

What We're Reading

Here's what we're reading right now:

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus - An excellent didactic tale for my little three year old negotiator. By the author of Knuffle Bunny, another favorite that we returned to the library after we read it 379 times.

Umbrella - Ever wondered how to describe what rain sounds like on an umbrella? Annabella received this from her Aunt Heather, who no doubt knows that Crow Boy (by the same author) is Marco's favorite children's book.

Polite as a Princess - I tried to fight the princess phase, but I was a poor match for the Disney marketing machine. At least this book teaches manners.

In the Night Kitchen - I know everyone raves about Where the Wild Things Are, but my favorite has always been In the Night Kitchen. Who wouldn't love a book with the last line, "And that's why, thanks to Mickey, we have cake every morning."

I Love You the Purplest - Got 2 boys? Get this book.

How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight - I wish I could say that this book has taught my children to go to sleep without throwing crying fits of tyrannosaurus rex proportions, but sadly it has not. They like to read it though. And then they do everything that the book tries to teach them not to. That's why they call it fiction, I guess.

Who Loves Me? - This is a really cute book, unless you're suspicious of talking cats.

Brain, Child Magazine - I devour this magazine as soon as I get. It's essays, fiction, debate, and articles about motherhood without all those annoying articles like "10 Ways to Soothe a Fussy Baby" that you know were never written by moms who actually had fussy babies.

Freakonomics - This one doesn't usually get read aloud at bedtime or naptime. I don't think we'll be explaining the economics of crack dealing to our children until their at least 12. If you're thinking of buying or selling a house, however, there is some really interesting stuff in here about how real estate agents are crooks.