Bottom Burps and Other Ways I Shelter My Children

MJ and her kids were over the other day. MJ is one of my closest friends and a real mentor when it comes to mom-things.

All of our kids were sitting around a little picnic table when a familiar sound erupted from Milo's bottom. All the kids laughed and Annabella said, "Milo, say 'excuse me' when you do a bottom burp, please!"

MJ looked at me and mouthed the words "bottom burp?"

"I can't stand the word 'fart,'" I whispered back to her.

It's true. I can't stand saying it. I can't stand hearing it and I can't stand my kids saying it, so when they asked what it was, I just called it a bottom burp and it stuck. "I'm actually surprised it's lasted this long," I tell her, with a hint of pride in my voice.

"Yeah, but if they say that in elementary school, they'll get killed!"

I'd honestly never thought of it this way, but ever since MJ said this I couldn't stop thinking about the other ways I've sheltered my children that could prove dangerous in their school years. Take this conversation, for example:

ANNABELLA: Sophie was sad at camp today because her mom wouldn't let her bring her Webkinz.

ME: What are Webkinz? (Of course, I know what Webkinz are, but I don't want her to know that.)

ANNABELLA: Oh, they're like regular animals. But with spikes.

Annabella is five and the boys are three and they've played with their cousins' Gameboy a few times, but other than that, they know as much about video games as they know about sex. Annabella has heard her friends talk about Hannah Montana, but I'm pretty sure she also thinks that a Hannah Montana is like a regular animal, but with spikes.

I know this innocence won't last forever and I think it's OK for me to keep some things away from my kids at this stage in their life.

<cue "Sex and the City" music>

I couldn't help but wonder, should we feel guilty about purposely keeping things from our children?

Comments

[Gretchen]

I am purposely sheltering my kiddo from those ginormous car-carts at the grocery store. For one, they appear to be the most unwieldy contraptions EVER. For two, they are ground level, with doors, so that the kiddo gets to determine how long they stay contained at the grocery store. Everything about them bothers me, and I just do not acknowledge them.

[Michele C]

Shelter them, yes! It shouldn't be a requirement that our young children are world savvy. My teens are watching the show Middleman on ABC Family right now. It doesn't sound like a family show. I just yelled out, "This is ABC Family! Why are they discussing sexual expression on that show?" They yell, "Moooommm!" I say, "If I don't shout my shock and outrage, how will you ever know what is good and what is just socially accepted!" I can HEAR them roll their eyes from here! Bottom burps are good right now. I imagine by the time your kids are in school, they will have learned the alternative lingo.

[Journeyer]

Oh, right. So Webkinz aren't like regular animals with spikes?? Talk about kids being sheltered...I have no idea what these things are!

Actually, I'm having a bit of fun being very vague and uninterested in Bratz dolls at the moment. Blegh.

[Gavin Knight]

kids are only kids for awhile, but will be adults for a long time

in my opinion it is a critical element of our role as parents to preserve their innocence, and associated sense of wonder, for as long as possible

however, the dilemna you write of is also real, we don't want to set them up for ridicule on the basis of their innocence!

parenting is an art, not a science, so there's no hard line here

but I would generally favour the end of the spectrum which preserves innocence

[Gavin Knight]

ps, 'bottom burp' is a reasonably common phrase in our part of the world, new zealand, and has a sense of humour surrounding it, so wouldn't necessarily invite riducule

[Miki in Japan]

I think that we should shelter our kids as long as is socially possible. Once the kids go into elementary school I really think they need to be at least exposed to the games, etc. so they can keep up with what their peers are talking about! I don't think we need to go out and buy every new toy, but something that the family can enjoy as a whole is good!!

[Miki in Japan]

I think that we should shelter our kids as long as is socially possible. Once the kids go into elementary school I really think they need to be at least exposed to the games, etc. so they can keep up with what their peers are talking about! I don't think we need to go out and buy every new toy, but something that the family can enjoy as a whole is good!!

[Ruth H]

I suspect your kids know the word fart. It is something I am still not comfortable with and you know how old I am. But I think they, in this case Annabella, respect you enough to use your chosen word for the act when you are around. I think you have done a very good job if that is the case. Kids always know more than we give them credit for and the fact that she is following your lead in being a little more delicate in this is very commendable.

[Debbie]

When my daughter, who is now 6, was younger, she noticed that some air came out of her bum. She looked up with her big blue eyes and said," My bum burped!". We've called them bum burps ever since. There hasn't been any ridicule at school yet.

[Jennifer]

To everything there is a season...

Shelter away Mama, guilt free!!!! I taught for 8 years and have a Master's degree in art ed, and I truly believe that you will know when the time is right to stop the sheltering on each specific issue. Just like you knew when it was the right time to wean and potty train. I've found in my short life as a parent (2 years and counting) that much of it is child-led and should be.

And bottom burp is brilliant. I only wish I'd heard it before we taught our toddler toot.

We're a TV free house for the kids and the only video game our 2 year old has seen is Mario Kart Wii. He plays along with his dad using a steering wheel that doesn't have a Wii-mote in it; it has ended up being a great bonding time for them. Some of the time he even sits in dad's lap. I'm all for bonding over a game, even if it's on the TV...

[anonymous]

Funny, when I was about Annabella's age, my mom called them "Putt-Putts". I still giggle when someone mentions the mini golf place.

I'm pretty sure the standard terminology when I was in elementary school was "toot".

[lu]

My children say "pass gas". That's what I learned at home. Even though I learned to say "fart" in school, the term I learned first was the one that stuck... even to this day...

Parents definitely should teach their kids to be socially unacceptable in today's world. It's called setting a standard.

[Robyn]

I feel the same way about sheltering my son from things that are scary, unfair, or just gross as I do about giving him things like soda. He has his whole life to learn about (and drink) that stuff. And I'm sure the minute he goes to elementary school, he'll be introduced to language, food, and much scarier ideas than I'm willing to share with him yet. Isn't one of the perks of being a mom that I get to decide that stuff for a little while — before the world starts deciding for me?

[Ann]

I know this might put more than a few people off but.... don't over shelter. I have a friend who did and one kid is 18 and afraid to leave the house (she is in therapy) and the other two are 15 and 16 and have begun to seriously rebel. Its a fine line between saying fart and letting the kid have free reign with the remote to watch MTV and Jerry Springer. I personally won't let my 16 yr old watch comedy central, but I let her choose wheather or not SAW is too gorey. Over protected kids can have tendancies to feel like they aren't equiped to make their own decisions. Let her try Hannah Montana a see what she thinks. As little TV as your kids watch, she will most likely lose interest pretty quicly and that Hannah isn't so much of a big deal. That gives her the chance to make a small choice for herself. Then when she is 13 she will be able to handle those bigger ones. Like when she sees a random Seventeen magazine at a friend's house, sees the twig thin models and thinks : I look just fine as I am.

[kyle]

Last time I heard the term "bottom burp" was on the 80's Brit-Com "The Young Ones". You gave me a total flashback, Megan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj36uQ0De6I

[Lisa Lee]

I think I'm 5. I have no idea what "webkinz" are let alone their association with sex. I googled it (LOL) and came up with a cute page of .. yes.. stuffed animals.

Color me confused. I'm either 5, or else my mom has sheltered me all my 48 years. ;p

[Nikki Massaro Kauffman]

I don't want my five year-old-daughter to watch Hannah Montana either, or any of the other Disney shows fraught with stereotyping, disrespectful language, clique behaviors, and age-inappropriate boy/girl-chasing antics.

Are other kids watching this stuff? Certainly. Is she watching it when she stays over at their houses? Yep.

My goal is to limit the exposure and to limit the effect it has on her. She got a Hannah Montana DVD set as a gift. It provided me with the opportunity sit down and watch it with her and discuss some of the things I found objectionable. We haven't outright banned the show; we only ever watch it on very rare, occasions, when I'm sure to comment on parts of it.

I know I can't control everyone else's parenting decisions, but I will not give in to the peer pressure of everyone else's parenting either. Sure the school years are difficult and kids will find any reason to torment other kids for being different--a lot of these 'tween shows don't help the matter by reinforcing this--but kids will always find a reason to bully another kid, and what kind of message would we be sending our kids if we backed down and tried to fit help them fit in with their potential tormentors?

Wouldn't it be better if they learned how to be themselves now in kindergarten than delay that until the bigger issues hit in the teen years when who knows what other parents will be allowing?

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