"Those Boys are out of Control": Father's POV

In the comments to my post Those Boys are Out of Control, many of you have asked for the father's point of view.

Thus, the fictional account below was born.

It's been a few months since the last time we saw that family at the park. I didn't recognize the mom until she told me and my wife that we'd met her before. And even then I didn't really recognize her. What's to recognize? She looks like all of the other moms I see when I take the kid to the park. You know what I'm talking about, the kind of woman who used to take better care of herself before she had kids.

Lose a few pounds, wear something that shows it off, and then maybe I'll recognize you.

But her kids? Her kids I recognize. They're Brian and Ryan Nickerson all over again. The Nickerson twins were not the meanest kids at Modesto Elementary. No, that award was given to Buddy Kuhns, who must have been six feet tall the first time he was in the fourth grade. Brian and Ryan were just slightly taller than I was and that's why they felt like it was their god given right to pick on me every day while we waited for the bus on the corner of Kensington and Third Street. I remember the street names because I used to look up at the green signs and focus on the letters as I was lying on the ground after Ryan had pushed me down. It was easier to look at those signs than it was to watch as Brian emptied out my Star Wars lunch box and then smashed it with his boot.

And just like Brian and Ryan's mom, this mom doesn't do a thing to stop it. One of her kids throws sand in my kid's eyes and the mom makes some half-hearted attempt at discipline that is clearly more for the benefit of the rest of us parents than for her actual kid. Then she just keeps on talking to my wife, ignoring her kids like she must do most of the time at home.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for her because she has twins? Is it my fault she probably did fertility treatments because she waited so long to try to have kids?

It's when the other one throws sand in my kid's face that I decide to say something. Someone has to. And it's not going to be that mom who could care less. And I know it's not going to be my wife, who saves all her anger for yours truly. People are always telling me what a saint my wife is. If there's a saint of screaming at your husband only when no one else is around, then she's a saint. Otherwise, not so much. You should hear her when I come home fifteen minutes late from work. God forbid I open up my laptop to check e-mail while the kid is still awake.

"Hey, cut it out," I say to the kid and everyone looks at me like I'm the playground bully. Hello, I'm just protecting my kid. If people cared as much what other people thought about them than they did about the well-being of their own kid, then maybe we'd live in a better world.

The mom has her kids on the bench and she actually has her arms around them. That's great. They throw sand in my kid's face and she rewards them with more attention. Perfect. If my kid acted that way, we would leave the park without looking back. You have to show discipline. You have to show you're in charge. You have to be consistent. This mother has clearly lost control.

Comments

[Mark]

Awesome!

[Chris]

Wow, self esteem issues much? The man could have done much worse than tell you kid to knock it off while he was assaulting his kid. Way to throw in the misogynistic stereotype at a parent trying to defend his son. Someone needs to clean up her own backyard before knocking on the neighbors door.

[Niki]

Well, she did say "fictional" and no parent is perfect just like no kid is an angel. I enjoyed it because I see these kinds of dads all the time at parks, so proud that they are spending time with their kids and showing it off to the other parents while most of us moms are the disciplinarians the rest of the week and know the ins and outs of playground behavior and how to handle the more difficult situations, like socialization. I seriously doubt any grievous injury was caused by the sand throwing and odds are his comment caused no grievous harm to your twin, but do you see how all uptight the adults get? the kids have already forgotten about it...

[Monica]

This whole post bothers me. First, the author is taking you back to the days when he was bullied. He still sounds like a bitter bullied child.

I don't advocate letting one's children run around and throw sand at other kids by any means.

I think there are better ways to handle this sort of problem, such as saying something to the mother that is standing right there.

It is not the place of another adult to discpline another's child, but it is perfectly reasonable and acceptable to say something to that childs parent, then remove your child from that situation.

By jumping on this child and saying "cut it out", he is turning into the neighborhood bully himself. This does not set a very good or clear example of how to handle the problem to his own children.

As far as the other mother having her arms around her kids, sorry, that is allowed.

I do think he is presuming that she is comforting them and she may be. She may also be discussing why they shouldn't throw sand at other children.

I'm the parent of two very very active small children, and I do keep my children in line. I take them out of situations if they don't behave. That being said, there really is something to the old saying, "walk a mile in my shoes" before you judge someone else or their parenting methods.

[coach outlet]

it's a good post, i like it so much, and i look forward to your next wonderful article.