Jumping Monkeys Episode 44: Why Kids Lie
Today we welcome back Ashley Merryman to talk about her piece in New York Magazine called Learning to Lie . We discuss kids ages toddlers to teenagers. Ashley is the author (with Po Bronson) of an upcoming book on the science behind child development.
SPEND: A Plumm Summer
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Here's the one I made for Leo
AUDIBLE PICK: The Cricket in Times Square
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Donna recommends Merlin Mann's video Eleanor's Agenda.
Check out Andre's new blog: Lost Parent Diary: An Interactive Best Practices Parenting Blog
what an amazingly interesting show. I can't wait to go read the article.
I think I understand her point about setting kids up to lie by waiting until they finish an act and then asking them what they know about "the chopped hedges" or whatever. I was wondering about seeing that in another way - more as using misbehavior as an opportunity to teach kids about truth telling. Maybe she means that there are enough other times a kid will lie that we don't need to use this kind of example.
Another thing you all talked about that struck me was the topic of "pro-social" lying. I don't see the only options to be "tell the truth and hurt someone's feeling" vs. "white lie to make someone feel better". Like in the case of the child not liking the grandparents' gift. I feel like in that situation, "thank you" can be enough of a response, without having to tell the "white lie" of "I love it!" or whatever. I'm trying to teach my kids that their feelings are healthy and they can like or not like whatever they want, but that they don't have to say EVERYTHING they feel out loud, in public. They can say thank you for the meal or gift and later tell their parents that they didn't like it. Sometimes it's ok to keep our feelings to ourselves, rather than lie, to spare someone's feelings.
Posted by: debinsf | May 06, 2008 at 12:29 PM