You Are Stupid

Most parents (myself included) have had the uncomfortable experience of hearing their children repeat undesirable four-letter words that the parent has accidentally said in their presence.

And as the mother of three children who love to play the name game and considering the fact that one of those children is named Huck ("Huck, Huck, Bo-Buck Banana, Fanna Fo...), we've had our fair share of accidental cursing too. This might have been avoided if only the name "Huck"had been included in Wikipedia's list of names that will result in profanity in the Name Game.

Each time one of my children have cursed I've somehow managed to remain calm and not bring attention to the word and the kids have moved on without incident.

But then about a month ago Huck turned to me out of nowhere and said, "You are stupid."

If Huck was looking to get a reaction out of me, he got one. A big one.

I looked at him, shocked and said, "Where did you learn that? We don't say that word. That's not nice. We do not say stupid. We do not say stupid. Never. Ever."

Since then he has used this word every day, several times a day. According to him, not only am I stupid, but his brother is stupid, his father is stupid, and his sister is especially stupid. Grilled cheese sandwiches are stupid and so are pajamas. The mailman, the stroller, a sippy cup of milk, and the big toe on his left foot are all very, very stupid. Kids at the park are stupid. Kids at school are stupid.

He also invents different forms of the word, including (but not limited to):

• Stupidy
• Stupidish
• Stupy, Stupy, Stupy, Stu

I try to be calm when I repeat, "Stupid is not nice." I try to explain that it makes people feel bad when he tells them that they're stupid. I've tried to give him alternatives, insisting that it is way more fun to replace "stupid" with any of the following:

• Silly Willikins
• Stupendous
• Weirdo

The only thing that seems to work, even a little bit, is to ignore him and wait for this phase to pass. At least he's not biting anymore.

Anyone been in this situation and have some advice that worked?

Comments

[kyle]

In this situation? Yes. Advice? No.

Jude runs around declaring that everything and everyone "stinks".

AND...he's become some sort of miniature, sadistic Angel of Death - striking down anyone and anything with gleeful abandon. Mom, Dad, the dog, himself, his toys, his friends..."He DIED! Hee hee hee!"

[Kev]

Amelia our daughter uses "yucky" whenever she doesn't like something eg "yucky boys", "yucky breakfast", and "yucky toilet."

[Chris]

My son tries the lawyer approach. All the not nice things that get overheard and identified as such get inserted into, "We don't say . It's not nice." Our response is usually, "That's right, we don't say that." At least he knows it is bad right?

[Keith]

I could say that you could buy a doggie shock collar and put it around his waist and everytime you here him say it you ccan just remotely give him a Jolt. Make sure you don't react to it.

Then again That could be kinda mean and someone might call the Dept of Human Relations on you.

My Kids like to say the word "But" followed closely behind with a comment "not the one we can't say....the Word Wall Word one". We have managed to get them to use the word Buttocks or Booty for the other word. Which still isn't great but it at least adds a bit of humor to the situation when my three year old uses it properly in a sentence.

"Daddy, I fell and hurt my Buttocks!"

Keith

[Ruth H]

Keep trying... but...
This is what I consider a valiant effort but you are really working against his peer pressure and boy is it pressure. I equate it to trying to stop the tide. You do your best but IT is out there. It is part of growing up, you just have to hope your influence wins out in the end.
And as an adult you know some thing ARE really not nice, stupid, yucky or whatever the term is but you know it's best not to put it that way. So you try, and often succeed, in not putting it in the lowest term possible even though the meaning of the lowest term can come through. Do you not consider the use of the term "stupid" stupid, low class or however you might want to put it? That thought is getting through to your child, he will get it eventually. But he will probably still use the word, just not in front of you. Once they truly get the meaning of a word they will use it.

[debinsf]

My daughter called me stupid for the first time yesterday. Mean, I'm ok with. I proudly wear my "meanest mommy in the whole wide world" badge. But stupid, in our case, is just trying to be rude. That's why I don't like it. I'm using the "tell her once and then ignore her" method. Also, when she called me stupid and proceeded to ask for something, she sure didn't get what she wanted. She was not pleased with that sequence of events. Not sure it will have much effect. I'm looking forward to reading how everyone else is dealing.

[Ben]

I always fall back to putting myself into my kid's shoes. From Her point of view, and maybe Huck's, the word has power, and it's negative. If something comes along that needs to be dealt with in a negative way (again, from Her POV), the word is as good as anything.
To keep her from saying it, I do two things. I let her know that she's responsible for what she says, and that I am responsible for what I say.
So, I talk about a few times when I have said something that hurt someone, always including times when I have raised my voice to Her. I tell her about how it makes me feel when I mess up and say something mean. I try to empathize with her, and draw her into empathizing with me. It's very difficult for a child to empathize, but they can get into the story enough to see themselves feeling regretful, if you're patient. Once they can see themselves feeling remorse for hurting someone, they can be hesitant to hurt again.
I always try balance this, which can be hard for me. If I'm going to talk about how it feels to hurt someone with words, I'm going to spend equal time talking about how good it feels to compliment someone, or encourage them.

[micheleinohio]

I compromised and allowed them to call "things" stupid. They aren't allowed to call people stupid. It seems to work for my 4.5 year old twins. At least they have a little liberty and can call a McDonald's that doesn't have a play area, a "Stupid McDonald's".

[Missy]

Uh, yeah. Stupid is the bomb around here, only since s-blends aren't operating in Liam's lexicon yet, it is "toopid". Toopid cool (stupid school)...which actually has a kind of ring to it, like "dude...that was stupid cool". But other things don't work out so well, like, for instance, daddy is often known around here as "toopid Cot" (stupid Scott). Nice. Anyway, we ignore. And ignore and ignore and ignore. And sometimes tell him it is a naughty word or not nice. Then we ignore some more. Actually, over the past few weeks it has fallen off the radar somewhat. I guess just lost it's luster.....given my immediate reaction (shock and horror) at hearing that word come out of his mouth, I guess I should have expected him to repeat it endlessly hoping for an encore. So my advice would be to too not give Huck the satisfaction. Good luck.

[Rachel]

Well, if you're not into physical punishment, and don't believe in using soap in a child's mouth, I would make him eat a nasty tasting cough drop each time he says a Forbidden Word. He can chew it up, but he shouldn't be allowed to spit it out! Stick to your guns! It's a critical age, and if you let them get by you on issues like this now, there will be no stopping them when they get older.

[Rich Weiser]

I've recently gotten myself into a bit of a jam with my wife over something kind of similar. Our 2 3/4 year old overheard me say "What the h@#!, Lana?" to our 10 month old German Shepherd puppy over something she did that she shouldn't have. My daughter wasn't even in the room! 15 minutes later the puppy is playing with my daughter, she does something she didn't like and I hear "What the h@#!, Lana?"

I'll be honest, I laughed, couldn't help myself. She said it in the cutest voice but now everything is What the...? I know I need to stop it but, I chuckle a little bit every time she says it. After a month or so she gave up once we just ignored it, but for awhile my wife was extremely mad with me because I laugh and she gets upset.

[Laura]

YES! I am in the exact same boat. The sun rises and sets with his Grandma and Aunt Sarah so I told him that his Grandma and Aunt Sarah would be very hurt and disappointed if they heard him saying that word to someone. He slips up every once in a while but it has worked for the most part. It got the message across to him that it is a hurtful word, not funny.