Harold George Wells 1921 - 2007

My Grandfather died on Friday evening. My parents were with him. He was in his home. I arrived shortly afterwards, as did my aunt an uncle. Grandpa was so tough and so wonderful and his daughters took such good care of him.

My grandfather was a World War II veteran, a painter, a leather tooler, a gardener. At the end of the meal at a restaurant he always said to the waitress, "You're a good cook, young lady."

Above my grandfather's desk, displayed prominently on a shelf is a toy firetruck that was his as a child. It is all metal with sharp edges. My aunt says she remembers going up to the attic to play with it when she was a child. Last Sunday, I took the truck down for my kids to play with at Grandpa's feet as he sat up in his chair, already having trouble breathing. I went to visit Grandpa several times this past week, but that was the last time I brought the children. It was clear to me then that he was expending too much energy trying to not look sick in front of them.

On Friday, as we sat with Grandpa after he was gone, the hospice nurse began to comment on the things in his room -- photographs, his collection of fishing poles, his orchids, the baseball hats hanging on the wall, emblazoned with the names of colleges that his children and grandchildren attended. Then she saw the firetruck and said, "Was he a fireman?" My dad answered no, he worked for the phone company and my mom told her that the toy was her father's as a child. Later, when I wake in the middle of the night thinking of Grandpa I think about that firetruck. Of all of the objects we surround ourselves with, perhaps the most important are the ones that remind us that once we were little children and life was so uncomplicated.

The hospice nurse warned me that my children might say unexpected or inappropriate things about death. When they woke up on Saturday morning, we told the kids that Great Grandpa died. The boys moved directly on to the next thing. Annabella said "I'm sad." And then she said, "I'll miss him." And then she asked, "Is anyone going to take his place?" It was unclear if she meant in his apartment or in our lives.

Several hours later, as we are eating lunch, she announces, "Great Grandpa is nowhere."

"Do you think so?" I ask. I'm not at all sure how to explain these things to her when I don't even know what I believe.

"He's not nowhere," Marco says. "Do you know where he is?"

"Where?" Annabella asks.

Marco taps his head with his finger and says, "He's right in here. You can think of him whenever you want and he'll be right there."

Comments

[David Braziel]

Megan,

I'm really sorry for your loss but very grateful that you share your thoughts and experience with all who read your blog.

Once again a perfect example of how a child's uncomplicated view of the world is so much wiser that our supposedly sophisticated adult view.

All the best

David.

[Kate]

Megan, I am extremely sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope you find strength and comfort with your family and with your memories of your grandfather.

[Ruth H]

Megan,
What a wonderful man he was. And Marco is so wise, that was a wonderful answer to Annabella' comment. When she can read what you have written about your grandfather she will know how memories do keep our loved ones alive.

[Liz]

Megan, that post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. Marco is a very wise father. It's important at these times to explain the unexplainable to children in the very simplest of terms.

[Chris]

My condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a touching story.

[Janet]

Megan,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your grandfather was a very special man to you and your family, and he became important to your readers through your words. May you all keep him safely in your heads and in your hearts.

[Dustin]

Megan,

Thank for sharing this; like everyone else, I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like a great guy, you're granddad -- and for that matter, little (I'm assuming) Marco there.

[Jan]

Megan, the words feel hollow but I am sorry. It's clear your grandfather lived a full and good life, rich in the love of his friends and family who appreciated him.

Your remark about being ready for whatever your kids might say, and the story of Annabella saying, "Grandpa is nowhere", reminded of when my grandfather ("Pappy" to all his grandchildren and greats) died. My niece was slightly older, maybe 6. She'd been told about his death the following morning.

Later that afternoon, the family was talking about it in terms of his being in heaven. My niece announced, "Pappy's NOT in heaven." As you can imagine, that stopped everyone. Her mom (my sister) said, "Why do think Pappy's not in heaven?" Her answer was, "Heaven's far away and it takes a long time to get there. He'll probably get there sometime tomorrow morning."

Out of the mouths of babes. Like you said, it's a time when things are less complicated.

Sending thoughts of comfort to you and your family.

[Suzanne]

Megan,

I am sorry for your loss. Your words the last few times you've written conveyed so much love for your grandfather within them.

It sounds like Milo has such a mature understanding of where people go when they die. Amazing and beautiful.

[Jean]

Megan,

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your grandfather with us. And Marco's answer is perfect. Explaining death at this age isn't easy, but I'm glad the kids have memories to hold onto.

You married a very wise man, besides the fact that he was wise enough to marry such a wonderful person.

[debinsf]

your children and your grandfather and you are all so lovely. how lucky your kids are to be able to carry memories of their great grandfather in their heads. what a treasure.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Dawn]

Megan,
I am sorry for your loss. Your words about your grandfather brought tears to my eyes. He sounded like a very special man and one that eveyone should have gotten a chance to know. Even in difficult times, you and your husband are able to find the right words for your children to hear and understand. Great job!

[Stephanie]

So, so sorry.

What a wonderful grandfather/great-grandfather he must have been to elicit such beautiful thoughts. You make him seem very much alive in your heart - keep up the great work!

[Dante]

I am greatly saddened by your loss. You are a very strong woman and your children are lucky to have had such a wise man in their lives.

[Yolanda]

I have loved every one of these word pictures you have painted about your grandfather. I think about that toe tickling image all the time. I'm saddened that he will no longer be around to inspire you. But know that his memory lingers on not only in Annabella's head, but in the mind's of others who only met him through your words. In that way he is Everywhere, which is so much bigger than Nowhere.

[Pat Glennon]

Megan, sorry to hear about your grandfather. Sounds like a heck of an individual.

My minister tries to help young ones relate to death and the loss of a loved one by making an analogy of a balloon.

I will pass it along in condensed form (and not as eloquently as he does).

You can play with a balloon and it is really fun. Bounce it on your hand, keeping it in the air, rubbing it on your hair and sticking it to a wall etc etc.

If that balloon pops you won't have as much fun. But what made the balloon special is what was inside the balloon. And that same air is always around us even after the shell is long gone.

You get the gist. The good Reverend Martinson does a much better job with the lesson.

-PG

[Al]

I am very sorry to hear of the death of your grandfather. My thoughts are with you in your time of sadness.

[Michael]

Megan,

Thank you for sharing this. It brought back the memories of my Grandfather. He passed a few years before my children were here. How I wish he would have gotten to play with them.

Tearfully,
Michael
http://www.familyhack.com

[Anne]

Sorry you have lost an important person in your life. Enjoy the memories. My mother-in-law passed away when my oldest was only 3 years old. He would ask questions, all we could do was give him honest answers, even if it was "I don't know." Best wishes to you and your family through this emotional time.

[mar]

I'm sorry for your loss - your grandfather sounds like he was a wonderful, interesting, kind man who brought joy to many people around him.

My oldest was not quite 4 when my mom died - they were very close, as she watched him 2 days a week while I worked. Now, at 11, he really doesn't remember her much - small bits and pieces. But as time has passed, I find that it's my memories of them together - even if he doesn't remember her - that are the most comforting. They brought so much joy to each other, even if it was for such a short time. I'm glad you have those memories of your kids and your grandfather - they're priceless.

[Doug]

My thoughts are with you M. Grandparents are truly unique and hopefully the kids will be able to remember them better than our generation did.

[Kim]

Megan, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your children were lucky to have him in their life, if even for just a short time. And I'm sure that having your children close to him brought your grandfather so much joy as well!

[CoolB]

My thoughts, prayers and condolences got to you and your family Megan. It sounds like your grandfather was a great guy, and I know his memory will live on in you and your family.