It's Probably Somewhere In Between

We are at Parent's Night at Annabella's preschool. The director of the school is talking about hitting, so my ears perk up for obvious reasons.

"We don't do time outs here," she says. "So if a child hits we usually redirect them to another activity. If they hit again we say, 'Maybe your body isn't ready to play with the other kids right now. Maybe you should sit on the bench for a while until your body is ready to play with the other kids.' That usually solves things."

The next day Huck hits Annabella and I say, "Huck, do you want to go to Annabella's school in January like we talked about?"

"Yes, I do" he says.

"Well, you can't hit in preschool. Annabella, what happens at your school when somebody hits?"

Annabella looks at me and says, "They get spanked on the bottom."

Comments

[jenn]

oh this made me laugh..it probably is somewhere in between, at least i hope it is... i heard some good advice about hitting a few years back and it seemed to work for me when my little ones where still little.

when a child hits, our first reaction is to focus on the culprit asking why they hit and/or placing them in time out or some other sort of discipline. in a sense, their behavior has earned/rewarded them your attention even if it is negative attention.

instead, focus on the 'victim'(lavishly) - ask if they are ok, apologize that your child has hit them say to the victim in front of the hitter. it is not ok to hit and i hope ______ will learn that lesson soon,,etc etc. that way you send a message: if you hit you won't get my attention.

once the victim has been taken care of then if you wish you can talk to your child about hitting and give a time out if you want. i think it is also a phase and while it seems like it may go on forever, it probably wont.

good luck

[John]

The problem we have with 2 boys close in age...is that the victim usually had it coming.

[Jean]

If I was Annabella and I wanted my brother to quit hitting me, I might say you get spanked too. ;-)

I don't have a hitter, but I have a thrower, and he's making me crazy, so I can sympathize.

[aaron]

Oh my yes...always the challenging question.

Our three are all < 2yrs apart, so I sympathize with John...the hittee often had it coming.

(of course, there's also the "drive by's"...when one passes another in the hall and feels compelled to flick, trip, etc.)

[Kent Goldings]

My three-year old daughter occasionally rough houses with her 15-month old brother. there is no hitting. But, she does enjoy pushing him around and sitting on him. We use time outs.

[Parent]

I would find out how true Annabelle's story is. If true, an adult has no right to "HIT" any child (whether on the bottom or not) and should be reported to the proper authorities.