But, what do you really think of me?

Tonight Annabella says, "I am Ariel, daddy is the little fishy, my brothers are the sea eels, and you are Ursula the Sea Witch." For those unfamiliar with Ursula, here is her description from the ever-helpful wikipedia:

"She has the body of an overweight purple-skinned, white-haired female human (modeled after drag performer Divine), and from the waist down she has the tentacles of a black squid."

Is it not enough that most of the mothers are dead in these stories?

It couldn't get any worse

You know it's going to be a hard week when it's 7 A.M. on Monday and you are already giving yourself a time out.

It's only after the kids are in bed that night when you realize that you've watched all your Netflix movies and can't send them back until tomorrow. Damn you, President's Day.

On Wednesday things seem to be looking up. You are on your way out of the house to have lunch with Leo. You're pitching him an idea for a podcast, something you've been thinking about for a long time but only now seem to have time for since the kids aren't constantly demanding your attention.

Two blocks away from the house your cell phone rings. It is the babysitter. You know her well enough to know that she is forcing herself to sound calm.

"I think you need to come home now," she says. "Huck hit his head and I think he's going to need stitches."

You can hear the screaming on the other end of the line. Then she explains that he ran into the side of the door. The side of the door? You have removed chemicals, chokeables, and knives. You've gated stairs, anchored bookshelves to walls, and plugged all electrical outlets. And he runs into the side of the door.

When you arrive home the babysitter is holding Huck at the sink. She is entertaining him by letting him splash a wooden spoon in a bowl of water. You are certain that if you'd been home alone with them you would not have been able to be so creative. Huck looks up laughing and his face is covered in blood. That's right, your child's face is covered in blood.

In the emergency room, they put your child in a straight jacket and attach him to something that looks like a tiny surfboard. Only his head is free and he looks at you with eyes that say, "Why are you letting them do this to me?" You feel around the straightjacket and try to find his hand so you can hold it.

Instead of stitches they use some kind of superglue to seal the skin back together again. It's weird, but it beats having to watch them stick a sewing needle into your son's forehead.

When you get home it's time for the babysitter to leave. Huck doesn't seem to remember the trauma of the last few hours. He plays with his sister and brother as if this is like any other day. You have playgroup in a half an hour, so you decide to get the kids ready and go, because why not?

Maybe you really can do it all.

By Wednesday you have a full-blown cold, complete with a fever and the chills. You long for the day when being sick meant sitting in bed all day, catching up on the Ellen Degeneres show. Now, I can call in sick to work, but the real work is still looking me in the eye at 5:45 in the morning wondering why it takes so long to make scrambled eggs.

Thursday night you have dinner guests and you don't cancel because you've already bought the food. Friday you have planned to take the day off of work so you can take the family to the Discovery Museum to meet your friend Cara and her 13 month old daughter. You don't cancel this either because you've known Cara since you were 3 years old and even though she lives only 30 minutes away, you haven't been able to see her in almost a year.

Besides, she has been your friend long enough that she doesn't care that you are blowing your nose all day or that your child kicks her child in the face, both of which happen just as you expected them too.

When you get home at 3:30 you lay on the couch and offer a silent prayer of thanks that your husband is already home. You get up briefly to puke in the toilet and you're amazed at how little this seems to phase you. You feel like Martin Sheen's character in the West Wing, who goes from missle crisis, to labor union trouble, to Presidential fundraising issues, and then always asks, "What's next?"

After you've brushed your teeth, you lay on the couch and ask your husband what time you should tell your friends you're all going to meet at the park the next day.

"You know," he says, "You're going to have to stop at some point."

And as much as you don't like to admit it, he is absolutely right. So, you stop. On Saturday he and your parents take the kids somewhere, you don't care where. And you lie in bed.

And you sleep.

Diversionary Tactics

Notice how Huck gives me a big smile to distract my attention from what Milo is about to do.

How to Mark Your Children's Growth

Some parents track their children's growth with sweet little growth charts they hang on the wall. We mark ours by how much further away from the edge of the counter we have to move the knives, so our children won't grab them and stab each other.

As of this morning that's about two inches.

And she can draw with crayon too!

If you've got a spare few minutes and you agree that "kids do the cutest things," take a look at this album of pictures by almost four year old Annabella.

Look out Annie Leibowitz.

Do your stuffed animals breed?

They're cute, but they're everywhere and I'm not talking about my children. I'm talking about my children's stuffed animals.

I don't know how they all came to take up residence here, but a few months ago I decided to kick most of them out.

I could not leave these stuffed animals homeless. I'm not that heartless. Below are the places I've sent some of our flock. My supply is still pretty large, so if you've got other suggestions, please let me know.

1. Project Night Night - This organization collects stuffed animals, books, and baby blankets to help homeless kids get a better night sleep. You can send them individual items or collect the items yourself to donate to a local shelter. They're very easy to work with and have lots of contacts with shelters all over the US.

2. AnySoldier.com - This site helps you collect all kinds of items to send to soldiers fighting in Iraq. It does a great job of telling you what they really need. On the site I learned that soldiers like to put beanie babies or other small stuffed animals in their packs to give out to Iraqi children they meet. A friend of mine sends packages each week (her workplace agreed to pay for the shipping). She found a group of soldiers who were working with an Iraqi orphanage and we also sent lots of stuffed animals there. For more info, scroll down to Cool Things to Send on the What to Send page.

3. Edmay Mayers - Through parenthacks.com I learned about a soldier working in Iraq who gives stuffed animals to kids there. You can even call the post office to have them send you priority mail boxes and customs forms to make shipping easier. (You'll still have to pay for postage.)

4. Do One Nice Thing - A friend of mine heard a news report about how you can send small toys, school supplies, and hard candy to a group of soldiers in Afghanistan who will deliver them to children. This was a nice way to send all my children's small toys and party favors to a good home.