In the Mommy Wars I'm Switzerland

I've been reading and thinking a lot lately about the so-called Mommy Wars. That's the name for the rift between mothers who work and mothers who stay at home with their children.

As a mother who works at home, I've decided I'm Switzerland.

I actually started working from home less than one month after Annabella was born. It was a matter of economics. My maternity leave pay was about to run out and I was offered the job of editing a book. If I didn't take the job then, they were going to give it to someone else.

Although I only worked at most 2 hours a day and it was all done during Annabella's naptime, it was way too soon to start working again. If I had to do it over again, I would have refused the project.

Three months after Annabella was born I returned to work full-time, but not to my former job. You probably know the story. I was unwilling to commute to San Francisco full-time, and my employers were unwilling to allow me to work part-time. I took another job at the same company, but that didn't work out either. As a parent, the two-hour commute was torture. The job was one I'd done three years before and even getting to work two days a week at home didn't make such a demotion worth it.

Since October, I've been a freelance tech writer and editor working from home. But I don't want to misrepresent myself as some kind of supermom. We still pay for the care that we had arranged for Annabella when I was going into the office three days a week.

I suspect that in the Mommy Wars neither side would want to call me one of their own, which is fine with me. I remain neutral not only because I don't belong on either side, but also because I don't think there should be any sides. For every study that says that children in daycare are more aggressive, there is an equally respected study that says that the children of women who work outside of the home are more content.

Personally, I feel like I am a better mother because I don't spend every waking hour with Annabella. I also feel proud of my decision to give up my former career in order to spend more time with my daughter.

But these are my decisions and you may have made different ones. And although I happen to have a very strong work ethic and I've worked very hard to be able to sustain a career as a freelancer (at least this month), I know that I have had a lot of lucky breaks in my life that have allowed me to be in the position to make this decision in the first place.

Whatever decision a mother chooses to make or is forced to make, if she finds a way to make peace with that decision, I think she's less likely to take issue with someone else's.

Comments

[Patrick]

Wait, if your Switzerland... Does that mean you get all the chocolate? Can I have some chocolate?

[Al]

Megan, I know this comment is getting old but hopefully you don't mind hearing it...

I MISS YOU ON SCREENSAVERS!!!!!

But family comes first so good for you.

[Dano]

Imagine how I feel... lol...

I'm a stay-at-home Daddy who ALSO works from home/self-employed! LOL

The soccer moms hiss at me...
The working dads give me a surprised but jealous look...
The housewives don't even look at me...

Our two year old daughter has it good, though. We don't regret this arrangement. But if you think you feel like Switzerland, I guess that makes me South Korea right about now. LOL! : )

Good luck

[Heather]

I am a stay at home mom by accident. I had every intention of going back to work, but my life is more fulfilling staying home with my baby. I only got 6 weeks maternity leave with my first and regretted having to go back so soon. I love being home, but a small part of me wishes I was back at work.

[Liz]

All these posts illustrate what everyone should understand. There is no "right" way to handle this situation. "Treyzmom" had it right when she said, "I made the right decision for myself and my family". We all make compromises and do the best we can with the situation presented us. Kids are amazingly flexible and can adjust to whatever schedule and situation Mom and Dad work out, as long as Mom and Dad are comfortable with those decisions. My kids are all in their 20's and these issues were talked about when they were small as well. I was able to stay home when they were really young but went to work again when my youngest was about eight. I was lucky in that my husband works nights and I work in schools so our schedules made it easy for one of us to always be there for the kids.

Megan, I too miss you on SS but from your description of the commute, this is definitely the right thing for you and your little one. Whenever someone asks me where I learned to do something on the computer, I say, "I learned that from Megan on tech TV!"

[sithi]

I am in the middle of adopting and will have to keep working in order to feed us both. I have family that says I shouldn't adopt, if I can't stay home. On the other hand, Dora Marie will be with a mommy who loves her, not in an institution. Hopefully that will count for something. It seems like life seldom comes with easy answers.

[bobby]

please come back to tv we luv u

[LostCluster]

Megan,

Your public persona in the tech industry was created as a result of your work on TechTV. Many people think of you highly as a result of that time, and I'm glad you've been able to cash in on that reputation.

Your fan base is still loyal to you. Just let us know where to find you..

[Tracy]

Hi Meg-

You'll never regret taking time with your baby.

I stopped working completely with the birth of our 2nd child & I couldn't be happier. The truth is that your priorities must change if you plan to have children.

Congrats on your little angel & on being able to find at-home work- something many of us would give our right arm to find.

Miss you on SS-

Tracy ;^)

[Megan]

This is by Me! My name is Megan & I have a child by the name of Annabella and she loves cheerios more than she loves me too! how can I solve this? *!HELP!*

[nathan]

I think it is great that you made a choice to be available to raise your daughter. When she is old enough, I'm sure you can find a job doing exactly what you were doing before, b/c you did a great job and were very entertaining to me. Anyone would be happy to hire you, when you are ready.

[coach sale]

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways. I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out: If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do—just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt: they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

[coach handbags]

I prefer going to bed early. So I can get up early and do my exercises. What about you? Posted By coach handbags

[cheap ugg boots]

Is it true that the show has been canceled? I keep checking to see if you are back.

[nfl custom jerseys]

I am going to bookmark this for my future needed and also i will tell my friends to check this post. Thanks a lot for sharing.