My OB & Me

It's the last month of my pregnancy, which means I go to see my doctor once a week. I have a confession to make. I don't really like her.

I know I'm in capable hands. The practice is very well-respected. The hospital where I'll deliver is known as the best place in the city to have a baby. And from what I've read and been told, your doctor is only there at the last moments of delivery or if something goes wrong. Otherwise, it's the nurses who are important, and I've heard only good things about the nurses at my hospital.

My doctor is young. She has children of her own. I started going to her on the recommendation of a friend who said she was "laid-back." I thought I would like laid-back. It turns out that I don't.

I've had these feelings for a while. When I told my sister at Christmas she wisely recommended that I find another doctor. I didn't even try. I thought it was too late. Or maybe I was just lazy. Or maybe I thought that my doctor and I could work things out. It doesn't much matter now, because now it really is too late.

You see, when I go to my appointments. I want to chat with my doctor a little. I want to be her friend. But all she seems to want from me is my blood pressure, my weight, and my urine. I want to give her a hug. She wants to move on to her next appointment. I'm unsatisfied with the relationship. We're not in love.

I can say that one good thing has come of this. It has made me extra careful about choosing baby Morrone's pediatrician. We've interviewed several candidates and Marco and I feel like we've chosen the perfect one. Not only does he come highly recommended with lots of experience, but when we met with him we chatted for an hour, not only about first appointments, vaccinations, and diaper rash, but about history, technology, and his passion for the sitar. He's a little bit wacky and we like that a lot. If that ever changes, this time we won't hesitate to find someone new.

Comments

[Trisha]

I messed up my URL link... it's supposed to be confusedmonkey.blog-city.com

[Jonathan]

When they offer it, TAKE THE MORPHINE!! Other than that good luck!

[Sandy]

Megan,

Big fan! I watch SS every possible chance I get. You see, I have a 19 week old son and he doesn't care for computers yet. In fact, anything that takes my attention for a second is his enemy! I had to switch doctors at 7 months. It was very rough. I loved my previous doctor. The doctor I changed to was like yours. He talked really fast, walked in looked me over and walked out. In the end, we had a beautiful baby boy who we have hoped for years to have. Everything was hinged on this guys credentials. He pulled through in the end. But we aren't friends like my other doctor. Good luck with your new little one. This is the ride of your life. Those sweet smiles and gummy grins are everything to me!

[ANN]

You are living and learning as you go. Get used to it, it will be your mode of ops for the next 21+ yrs. I have two kids (Arielle born at 32 weeks turns 14 next month) and my OB was about the same as you describe, but he was great at the time of delivery as were the nurses. He also took great pains to fight my insurance for interventions that kept me pregnant the second time.(Madeline, 10 yrs., born at 34 weeks thanks to tributiline and a uterine monitor) You might look into having a doula present at your birth for female support the whole time for you and your husband, then your doctor can be the baby catcher.Never too late to look into doulas, even up to the time of delvery. Next time, if there is one, you could look into a midwife, check with your hospital to see which ones deliver in a hospital setting or a birthing center if you like. First time Moms are a nervous bunch, that's natural. So is childbirth and you will be fine just breathe. Ann P.S. My daughter's nickname has been Monkey since she was 11 months old, she'll respond to "Monkey" quicker than Madeline.

[Ann]

Megan, I forgot is there a pool for the pregnancy? Mabey a screen savers T-shirt with a baby footprint for the winner??? Well here's my guesses anyway. Date: March 26
Time : 10:31 pm
Gener: Female
Length : 20.5 in.
Weight: Sweetheart you are ALL baby you are going to lose almost every pound about a week after delivery, sorry but I can't guess any thing under 9 pounds 9 ounces. :-) Ann

[Megan]

It's so comforting to know that:

A) I'm not the only one out there who's not in love with her doctor.

B) Many reserved doctors shine in delivery.

Jennifer (and others who may have accidentally gone to jumpingmonkey.com, instead of jumpingmonkeys.com). The porn site at jumpingmonkey.com registered their domain just a few months after I set up this site. Unfortunately, porn sites have a way of determining new URLs that bring in a fair amount of traffic and they set up shop at a URL like it. So, it would do me no good to change because they'd probably follow me. Sigh.

[David Saylock]

That's sad to hear. I wouldn't like my doctor too much either if he/she wouldn't want to be my friend at least when we were in the room. That would make me very sad indeed.

[Richard Milligan]

My wife and I have been following you on the show since you anounced that you were expecting. We thought that you maybe expecting have been expecting even before you told us. When you said that you were expecting your new daughter on the March 28 my wife was thrilled that is her birthday.

My wife and I will miss you while you are gone.

We wish you, Marco and the little all the best.

Take care and hope to see you on TSS again soon.

Richard and Siene Milligan

[John, an old techie]

Hi Megan. The Screen Savers Rocks! Happy Birthday and congrats on your baby.

Well, here's my 2 cents worth. I think you shouldnt pick a doctor on how friendly or how much they want to talk to you. What really matters is how competent they are. Theyve a job to do and may not have time to chat it up. She is not there to be your best friend. However it probably wouldnt hurt her to be a bit more friendly. I know a good bed-side manner is nice in a doctor, but the most important thing is how they perform when it comes down to the wire. Do you chat it up and love everyone you meet? Would you want a doctor that acted like Jim Carrey to deliver your baby?

I myself dont like to get too friendly with folks while doing my job. I am a bit of a hermit, I admit. Everyone has different personalities. But I do my job very well and it doesnt make me a bad person or bad at my job. For someone like me it just takes entirely too much energy to be all nicy-nice and chummy 24-7. :-p

I think you should just accept the fact that not everyone wants to be best buds and be glad she came with good recomendations which means she is a prefessional of whom you can rely on....esp (heaven forbid) that something should go wrong. Perhaps she is afraid she may not come across as a professional if she gets too friendly? She is only human too and may have problems or a past unfortunate incident that prevents her from wanting to get too close to her patients? I say give her the benefit of the doubt and keep her.

At any rate, I wish you the best. Try to accept her for who she is and be glad she is good at what she does. Of course if it still bothers you, then get another...though as you said...it may be too late.

A different point of view,
John

[Greg & Jaime]

Good Luck Megan
We just had our first child last Friday, a beautiful baby boy. Your comments ring true for us. We spent months trying to get the OB to "Lighten Up." Bya about month 8.5, he actually made a joke about the father being next as he snapped on a rubber glove. We spent quite a bit of time interviewing and researching for the PED, and we found one we think will be just wonderfull. But, after all, you're just dealing with the OB for nine months. The PED is needed for many years.
When it came time for labor and delivery, the hospital nursing staff made all the difference in the world. They were great, and we can't praise them enough. Not to mention the nursing staff in post-partum and in the nursery. After many hours, the labor had failed to progress any further, and we were forced to do a section. This is where that stark professionalism of the OB became relevent. I'm not sure I want my friend, buddy, or drinking pal to cut open my wife in major surgery. I like the idea of the job being done by someone who is very serious about the whole process. And our OB did a first rate job. My wife is recovering very well. She has little pain, and in fact is getting around very well all on her own.
I also like the pics of your nursery. We spent a lot of time re-doing our new baby's room. I purchased the pix-around 360 degree software and hope to soom post a virtual tour of our nursery on our web site.
This is our first night a home with the baby, and we're just sitting on pins and needles listening for every sound that he makes. Many sleepless nights ahead. But wonderfull ones too.
Best of luck for your family.

Greg & Jaime

[Michelle]

Morning Megan,
I agree with you on the doctor issue. The doctor that delivered my first daughter was cold and distant, and he really would make me feel like I was wasting his time when I would ask questions. I was more careful the second time around, and with the birth of our second daughter had a great doctor. He was making jokes through the whole delivery, keep checking his watch and asking me to hurry up so he could make it to his son's school play. He even brought pictures in the next day to show me. Good luck and I hope the time goes quick for you.

[Donna]

Hi.
There is a possibility that your present OB/GYN may not deliver the baby. It may happen that someone else in the practice is "on call" and you'll have someone else.
Good luck to you. My 13 and 11 year old daughters look up to you and are so interested in what is happening with you.

[Am I Crazy]

I thought the documentary was well done. I fell for the people of Flint, Michigan. Michael Moore exposed the evil of big business. No more General Motors autos for me!
Two thumbs up.

[Frisco]

dont hesitate next time.. =) -Frisco

[Omar]

Hey Megan, I just discovered your blog (ok I'm lazy). In any case I'm so sorry you feel that way towards your doctor. Many of them see patients as just that, not so much people with feelings and such. She should realize that being a gentle caring person is part of the job not just putting you on a scale and taking your urine.

Oh well, for the next one (if there is) you'll make a better choice in doctors. Either way, best of luck.

[Courtney]

I second the suggestion of a midwife route for the next time. My SO and I had our son January in a stand alone birth center. All of the appointments were there as well, and most were an hour in length, if not longer. It was really nice not to have to worry about nurses doing something we were against after birth (like giving him a bottle) and most importantly, we were comfortable with both of the midwives present, so it made things a lot easier for me. (With a 9lb 6oz boy that came out after ~7 hours in back labor, I really don't think it would have been possible in a place I wasn't totally comfortable in)

Of course, I'm one of those people who gets annoyed when pregnancy is treated as a disease provided it's going along good, and that doesn't work for everyone.

Good luck!

[John G.]

Hi Megan,
I am sure everything will work fine. My wife and her OB didn't exactly see eye-to-eye at first either. But when it came right down to it, he was an expert in his field and highly regarded by many of his colleagues.

Like a previous post, my wife also had an emergency c-section. I now credit the man that my wife didn't exactly get along with at first for saving her and my now 4 year old son's lives!

God works in mysterious ways. Put your trust in your doctor's knowledge and put your support with your friends and family. (Soon to be +1).
I am sure everything will be fine for you, Marco and the baby.

Best Wishes,
John G.

[Ozma511]

You know, with my first son I hated my OB. She was a woman and she had kids and I thought she would be great. She wasn't. But like you I thought it was too late.

I got lucky. My doctors were out of town the week I delivered. I had the doctor on call which was kind of scary but I loved him! He was great!

My second child I loved my doctors and they were great during the delivery! Yay!

Good luck!

[stew]

So..after a couple days of labor, we had to do a C section, and since I'm an old coot, I was allowed in to help with hand-holding. As the baby was being born, a telephone rang. A nurse answered it, put it to my wife's ear and said "It's your sister"

What I heard her say (though she denies it) was "Nothing...what are you doing?"

This birthing business is hard work. It's a miracle. It's wonderful, but most importantly it's VERY well managed by a competent hospital.

Don't think you can do AOL chat from the delivery room yet, though...

stew

[Treysmom]

Sorry you're not connecting with your OB. I have a GREAT OB and she's actually hugged me before...I'd like to think that we'd be friends if we ever moved in the same social circles. Anyway...whatever positive things you've heard about nurses in the birth experience are SO true. My labor and delivery took 18 hours. I did have a shift change to deal with during that time, but both sets of nurses were awesome. The first one that left in the shift change, came back to visit the next day, just so she could see me and the baby. The one that was with me when I actually delivered, was great. She was supportive, kind and truly earned her pay while helping me through a rough delivery! Good luck with your delivery and I can't wait to hear of Baby Morrone's arrival! :)

[John G]

How about a "Baby Pool"? Any takers?

The exception to this one though is that instead of the one who is correct winning something, that person instead would purchase something nice for the Moronne family and have it mailed out to them?

I am guessing March 26th at 3:07 am.

John G.

[Mx]

How about we make everyone a winner and all send Megan something nice>?

[William]

As a single male with no marital or paternal leanings at this point, I'm just going to go ahead and say that this entry made me laugh and I'm glad that you think wacky is good. Because wacky IS good.

[Mike]

It's all about the nurses. You'll NEED excellent, outstanding nurses during delivery. The doctor comes in at the tail end... for the glory! :) And those nurses never leave your side.

If you've got good nurses, you're good to go!

[Dennis]

Hey, MX! I didn't know Megan had rules about not posting off topic. Did I miss that? I think I've broken that rule. Like right now. I mean, I'm not asking anyone to visit Randytown, but I'm clearly off topic.

I like my doctor back home in Memphis. He's the brother of an ex-girlfriend of mine, and when I have a problem, he doesn't dictate to me. It's more like he consults with me so that we can address the problem together. I love that.